Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in firefox09's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, May 10th, 2009
11:07 pm	JFLI It's so funny to me how you and everyone else always "predict" all of these wonderful things that are going to happen to me. You even all have dates. But you know whats even funnier? The fact that your ALWAYS wrong. Always. I always enjoy hearing from you , but I just wish that for once if you were going to send me a horoscope you could send me one that's true, and not just something you made up to get money from me that I already told you I don't have. I don't expect my life to be spectacular, I don't believe in love because it doesn't last, and money is not an issue, or priority yo me. I'm not that kind of person. The most important thing to me is discovering my true purpose in life, fulfilling it, and moving on to the next plain of exsistence. That's all if you can help me with that then I'll be happy, but stop building my hopes up with fantasies that you and I both know are't going to come true, and stop offering me help that I can't afford, or pay for. I live with my mom I'm 19, and the money I get goes towards mostly food because my parents are divorced and my mom doesn't cook. Everyone keeps making these predictions and judgments on my character expecting me to be some great person and I'M NOT. I'm really not. I like to read I want to live in space and travel to different planets because I have an unexplainable and undying love for space life and travel, but that's not possible. I thought it might have something to do with my past life, butI'm the only person I know that can't be regressed, and I have tried. I can meditate because I can't focus on one thing long enough to get the flow going, I feel like my past religion is a lie, and the greatest joy I expect to experience in my life is dying. There isn't much of anything else that I hope for. My soul feels so tired, and I just don't feel like I have the will to do anything. I'm this young and I already feel like it's time for me to lay down and die. I'm so detached and uncaring towards everything and I don't have the will to care. Don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal at all infact I'm still hoping for life to prove me wrong. But everything just feels like a been there done that why bother routine. Know one understands me or even tries to, and even then I don't care. I don't know. I'm not even mad at you your anyone... I guess I'm just so tired. I'm waiting for something new and everytime you send me a message I'm hoping to get that but I never do. It's always the same thing "LUCK, LOVE, AND MONEY". Love requires trust which I'm unwilling to give for good reasons, and money is a physical obssesion that I feel the world would be better without. You know most wars are based on money and religion. Not that money is a bad thing to have It's just not the most important thing to me. I hope you read this because I'd love a response. I hope you don't feel put off or anything. i guess I just felt like venting lol and your mail judt happened to be in my box. Sorry please don't take it personally I'm not trying to be rude, I guess I'd just feel better if you said you understood how I felt. You don't have to if you replied that would be more than enough. It would be unfair to put all of my worries or issues on one person you know. i guess I mostly just felt like typing =) --- On Sun, 5/10/09, pasqualina@pasqualina.com <pasqualina@pasqualina.com> wrote:
Bound Yourself
3:12 pm	Wishes from a magic rock 10 wishes Wish 1 wake up 60 pounds lighter tomorrow Wish 2 win 1 billion dollars wish 3 gradguate by tommarow wish 4 no more scars wish 5 global warming is reversed wish 6 talent in all forms of martial arts and swordsman ship wish 7 my mom would stop asking me evil questions lol jk but seriously though I wish we could travel to different planets like in Star Trek Wish 8 planet x wouldn't come to this part of our solar system for another 12,000,000,000,000.0000000000000009345312 years wish 9 the government would tell us all there secrets and stop being corrupt and evil, wish 10 no child would ever go sad scared or hungry or abused ever again no matter what part of the world we live in
Bound Yourself
Monday, July 7th, 2008
4:47 pm	Hope What gives you hope for your future? How about hope for your world's future? Is hope hard to maintain? View 500 Answers I don't have A writers block I've just been posting in other journals and blogs. This ones my favorite though. My hope for the future is to become rich and powerful, so I can use that power towards helping others who really need it, and stopping global warming, and giving away enviromentally friendly homes and cars, and making sure they build more enviromenatlly friendly homes. My drive is to help peple without them worrying about having to pay for the help they need. I just want the world to be a better place, and even if it meant I had to die before I see I want to die knowing that I did something to elp someone else whether or not they remember me for it. If I can do that than nothing would make me happier. I haven't given up hope though sometimes it seems easier that way, hope is all I have, and without it we might as well give up on the world as we know it! Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Apathy
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Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
12:23 pm	I hate it you know when people talk of things in past tense as if it hasn't all ready happened. The world is coming to it's end, but... hasn't it already?
Bound Yourself
Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
7:57 pm	I ate a toothbrush because I'm good in bed Oh I am so sick and tired of waiting and people trying to save me I can save my self And I Don't need to hold your hand Don't need anyone to understand The way i feel inside If I have any problems you will be the last know And I dont' need any one I can do bad all by myself So I don't care what people say I will show them someday Fake is the smile on all your faces As you stare when I walk in the room You lie When you say that you wish me the best Pretend you not just like the rest But I see through your little charade But all I know is that you never knew me And you never took the time And I dont' need any one I can do bad all by myself So I don't care what people say I will show them someday One mistake and all the lies Your not a friend of mine You never took the time Didn't think that I could see All the times you tried to change me But now what do you say right now I don't need your hand don't need your help And I dont' need any one I can do bad all by myself So I don't care what people say I will show them someday And I hope you know Hope you know I never liked you anyway Current Mood: hot Current Music: Only the song in my head
Bound Yourself
Saturday, July 7th, 2007
10:32 am	Say goodbye Hello Hello, Hello Hello You can't hear me Hello Hello Hello hello When I call to you, you don't know I'm there I'm standing, just waiting here In all the colors of my mind just waiting Can you feel me, hear me calling Oh I'm not really hear This is just my shadow Since I can't ask you why Instead I'll say goodbye Let's just say goodbye I feel myself slowly fading away But the feeling serene Still there is so many things I want to say And I wonder Why I am falling I'm drifting through the sky My spirit is wondering Now I'm flying Oh this feeling is not real I am just a wanderer i realize this thought I feel I'm going under Oh I'm not really hear This is just my shadow Since I can't ask you why Instead I'll say goodbye Let's just say goodbye Blood seeping through my shirt i feel my self slipping away Gasping for air but I know I see the light My life's flashing before my eyes I see you looking at me and I know Your the reason I'm not here This is not a dream I had Oh this feeling is not real I am just a wanderer i realize this thought I feel I'm going under Oh I'm not really hear This is just my shadow Since I can't ask you why Instead I'll say goodbye Let's just say goodbye So let's just say goodbye Current Mood: artistic Current Music: Only the song in my head
Bound Yourself
Sunday, July 1st, 2007
10:30 am	I can't breath. My chest feels tight, like it's gonna implode, and it hurts. I can't make it stop, and I can't stop crying I feel like I'm falling off the face of the earth. My throat is squeezing tears out of me, and no matter how hard I try I can't hold them back. I feel like I'm gonna crack from the pressure, and I'm scared of what might happen if I do. I can't.. Current Mood: distressed
Bound Yourself
Monday, June 4th, 2007
6:47 pm	Inspiration There's know one who can make it on there own. I should know I tried before I can't make it all alone Tried to convince my self I didn't need nobody else But it get so hard to be stronge because Everybody needs a hero Atleast one time in there life But if you can make it own your own What's the point if you end up alone Told myself I didn't need a friend but on the inside I was still cryin I pushed myself way to hard But in the end I'd just broken apart I didn't want to admit that I didn't think I could make it that's when a voice spoke to me and said Everybody needs a hero Atleast one time in there life But if you can make it own your own What's the point if you end up alone Everybody needs a hero Atleast one time in there life But if you can make it own your own What's the point if you end up alone Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: Only the song in my head
Bound Yourself
Monday, May 14th, 2007
12:42 pm	I try so hard I tried so hard To be anything I want But you won't let me All I ever wanted really meant nothing You wanted me to be like you You formed me into a shape That you cosidered perfect I feel stupid because I let you But what about what I wanted Who I wanted to be Does it matter to you It doesn't matter to me anymore It doesn't matter to me anymore I'll spend my life in a suit and a tie Conforming to society I'll do what I don't want to be accepted And so you don't disown me I'll fake a smile and choke a laugh you know If that's what it takes I don't wanna embarrass you anymore I'll spend my life in a suit and a tie Conforming to society I'll do what I don't want to be accepted And so you don't disown me I'll spend my life in a suit and a tie Conforming to society I'll do what I don't want to be accepted And so you don't disown me All I want is 4 U 2 love love me so... I'll spend my life in a suit and a tie Conforming to society I'll do what I don't want to be accepted And so you don't disown me I'll spend my life I'll spend my life I'll spend my life I'll spend my life I'll spend my life I'll spend my life I'll spend my life if that's how you want me.....
Bound Yourself
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
9:04 pm	What it is to be broken My soul weeps for it has known great pain My heart cries for it has known betrayel I cry inwardly I hold my breath I remember to smile, but I forget to breath I will not be broken I feel like crying, I want to scream I feel like dying I want to drown my self in my sorrows To strong to cry, to meek to scream To weak to die I won't be broken remembering to smile yet forgetting to breath every breath is filled with exasperation Every sigh filled with sorrow Know longer will I allow myself to feel so broken Even if I have to hold my breath to fake a smile One day I will smile for real One day I will not be so broken Current Mood: sad Current Music: Hate [I really don't like you]
Bound Yourself
Monday, January 15th, 2007
10:45 pm	My Hearts song My heart is burning a hole through my chest My face is tear stricken Everything seems so hopeless I want it all to end Just end it all now before it's to late I feel like I can break any moment now like a glass doll I've fallen off the shelf left there on the ground I pick up the shattered pieces of glass That was my heart I can smell the blood on my hands The murder of my emotion I feel nothing I am not at peace I am broken I just want to fall off the shelf don't pick me up give up now My heart is burning a hole through my chest My face is tear stricken Everything seems so hopeless I want it all to end Current Music: Vienna by the Fray
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Sunday, January 14th, 2007
10:21 pm	Woo Emo No I didn't make this I got it off of Deviant art, but I love this picture and I want you to see it so Ha. Here's the song I was tellin you about lovely! How do I say goodbye to what we had? The good times that made us laugh Outweigh the bad. I thought wed get to see forever But forevers gone away Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. I dont know where this road Is going to lead All I know is where weve been And what weve been through. If we get to see tomorrow I hope its worth all the wait Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. And Ill take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. And Ill take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday Current Mood: tired Current Music: Liar by Taking back Sunday
Bound Yourself
8:17 pm	She said it's over Take me break me Into peices Break me down Break me down Make me cry Make me scream Make me hate you I don't wanna feel this I don't wanna love you I don't wanna hurt you But your affection makes me wanna hate you Give me a reason to not want to love Break me down Give me a reason I don't want you to love me I don't want your affection I feel like I'm going to suffocate My lungs are burning I want to feel pain Make me hate you so badly Make me feel good for not loving you Take me break me into peices Break me down break me down Current Mood: sick Current Music: cold by crossfade
Bound Yourself
Thursday, January 4th, 2007
8:59 pm	The pain pulling at my heart strings A dull but noticable throb, pulling at my heart strings. What is this unrecognizable pain inside me What is this incomplete feeling. Surely it can not be lonliness, for I am devoid of such sad emotions Surely it can't be longing How can you long for something in which you don't believe And why should I, know one ever gave me a reason to It comes and it goes as it pleases, But it never lasts Like the wind it flows free, And only to those worthy Never me, neither have I seen it, So how can I long for it I don't know what it is But I know that It hurts This I have seen It's cruel, merciless, and heartbreaking What fool would long for such a thing Surely I am not such a fool Current Music: Colors by crossfade
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Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
11:53 pm	I haven't updated in 4ever Omfg I am sooooooo effin bored. It's a concert on Friday. I'm gonna see if I can get money for new clothes or something. I need them. Ichanged my room around. Yeah. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: House of Wolves [My Chemical Romance]
Bound Yourself
Saturday, November 18th, 2006
12:50 am	Woe Cries the moon Woe Cries the moon, as daylight comes to pass amidst a blinding wind, Even in the darkest of places may a sliver of light shine upon us By Melon Anne Devral Shadows creeping silently Willows weeping in the dark sadness seems to carry in the wind Hearts that blend in a once perfect unison Now so empty, so alone. Woe cries the moon Not everything is black and white Roses perfect this once sorrowful place The dawn of a new day brings forth new hope As daylight comes to pass Mourning seems to fill this place, Such a bitter sorrow. Seems not everything is as perfect as we wish. Hope seems blown away Amidst a blinding wind The chance for a new tommarow What our sorrowful hearts pray for Make it better than before Don't waste it this time As steps of wisdom bring A new light, let's hope for a better tommarow Even in the darkest abyss May a sliver of light recognize Our blending souls... Current Mood: annoyed
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Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
11:44 pm	Invalid video URL.</div> Music Codes - MySpace Layouts Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Broken like an angel, by Crossfade
Bound Yourself
Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
11:50 pm	There's a big gaping hole where my heart used to be I think I'm really scared. Everyone seems to see something that I don't think is there. I have every right to express myself emotionally, but the thought of actually ever opening up to anyone is terrifying to me. I know that at anytime they can use any given information against me. Last time I really honestly opened up about how I felt, it wasn't even her Idea to puit me away. I couldn't function properly in school so I had to get pulled out several times. Even before I moved here almost 7 years ago my parents and teachers alike talked about having me institutionalized. So what was I supposed to do. If I told anyone how I felt then they wouldn't understand, so I just didn't talk. Now 2 psychiatrists, and 4 counselers later I find myself in a similar rut. I'm still afraid. Now more so then ever. Now I get sad and angry like any other normal functioning person, but in my position it's like if I do, say, or write anything to exspress myself, or just because, it's a cry for help, and attention. I have to watch everything I say or do that might seem weird or different, just because of what happened then I have to suffer for it now, and I'm not safe no mattter what I do. I have to always guard myself. I mean yeah of course I get sad at times, but my brother told me that if I didn't express myself more then in the end it wouldn't be very good. He was right, I know he was because it was bad. But still how can I talk when every word I say, everything I do can be used as evidence against me to prove my so called insanity. I have every right to be afraid, and to hide myself because know one ever gave me a reason not to.... Current Mood: scared Current Music: none
Bound Yourself
Monday, November 13th, 2006
4:07 pm	Love I don't believe in love You don't hurt me If, if you love someone They can hurt you But how can one say I love you That I'm always thinking of you But then they turn around and hurt you That's just not right So I can't say that I ever Want to love, but I won't say never And I know nothing lasts forever But love doesn't last at all If, if you want to see love Then go to the cinema It's only ten bucks to get in Lets get real now cause love is just A fairytale I want to fall in love, but How can when there's nos uch thing I want love like you see in movies But how can I So I can't say that I never Want to love And that I too want to be loved Nothing lasts forever, but love Doesn't last at all. Current Mood: bored Current Music: none
Bound Yourself
3:53 pm	Bleeding Hearts Screaming, screaming, screaming, screaming Don't pretend that you can't hear me How can you just act like you don't care Calling, calling, calling, calling Pretend that you don't see falling When all I want is you to know I'm there Can't you see that I'm fading Away and Constantly antisapating the day That you will see me there Notice me, notice me Tell me that I'm not invisible Touch me, touch me Let me know I'm something physical I just need the proof of my exsistance So that I know I'm there We can work on who I am later Cause right now I just don't care Hold me, hold me I wanna know that I can feel again Feeling, feeling The warmth of your skin Staying, staying, staying, staying I'm the one that's always waiting In the distance Where I'm left behind Finding, finding, finding, finding In my mind I'm always looking When I'm done there's nothing left to find Can't you see that my hearts Bleeding away Constantly antisipating The day that you will notice that I'm there I write a song I write the song Of bleeding hearts bleeding hearts When it's over said and done Me heart is gone The bleeding stops The song is done I write a song I write the song Of bleeding hearts bleeding hearts I hope you see my bleeding heart Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: I write sins not tradgedys
Bound Yourself